September 11, 2001

I chose to participate in a blogging project called 2996 that was to include 2996 blogs, each giving a tribute to a fellow American lost on 9/11/2001. I was fortunate enough to be able to learn about Michael David Ferugio, who I compiled a story about from numerous sources in my previous blog. This is my personal tribute to Michael and all of the other victims of the 2001 terrorist attacks and is based on what this process meant to me.

This was an amazing process for me, as even 8 years later, my heart still hurts from the events of that day. Every year since I began the 2996 project I think of Michael and this song by Jimmy Eat World comes to mind:

Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go

I never said thank you for that

I thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now

So lucky, so strong, so proud

I never said thank you for that

Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in

Hear you me, my friends

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go

May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now

So lucky, so strong, so proud

I never said thank you for that

Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in

Hear you me, my friends

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go

May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in (May angels lead you in)

May angels lead you in (May angels lead you in)

And if you were with me tonight

I'd sing to you just one more time

A song for a heart so big

God wouldn't let it live

May angels lead you in

Hear you me, my friends

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go

May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in

Hear you me, my friends

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go

May angels lead you in

On sleepless roads, the sleepless go

May angels lead you in

Michael, though you are no longer physically on this Earth, you still live on through your legacy and memory, even today. You are never forgotten and you have not died in vain. Americans from all over this country are still remembering and learning through you.

Thank you Michael David Ferugio. I will never forget you, as long as I live.

Michael David Ferugio

It is so hard to believe that 8 years has passed. This has been my tribute every year on September 11th for fellow American Michael David Ferugion who was a victim of the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. Rest in peace Michael and know that you are never forgotten.

So many of us were so far away from NYC on that tragic day eight years ago. Even though I was a thousand miles away, I still cry today when I see the footage just as I did as a wide-eyed innocent 17 year old high school senior. But even though I have never stepped foot on an inch of NYC soil or saw the twin towers with my own two eyes, I still feel connected to all of the victims and thier families, especially Michael. It is through this process of learning about him and his family that I too feel like I lost someone special eight years ago. All of America mourns for you and your families. We never forgot...nor will we ever forget.

Michael David Ferugio was a 37 year old insurance broker for Swett and Crawford and was at a meeting in the Aon Corporation offices on the 105th floor in the World Trade Center on the morning of September 11, 2001. He was a high school graduate of Pottsville Area High School and a 1987 graduate of Penn State. He continued to be a Penn State fanatic after graduation and his love for the university and football program was apparent to everyone who knew him. His wife had found an entry in his address book that read: "Ludmilla, cleaning woman, 31st floor-WT2, son is at Penn State!" Notes like this were only a small example of his kind nature and care for other people. Michael grew up remembering his roots and had never forgotten where he had come from, regardless of where his life would take him. His grandfather had been a coal miner and his father, a steam pipe fitter. It was from these humble beginnings that Michael got his down to earth demeanor.

Michael met his wife in 1991 where they worked at the same insurance company in the World Trade Center following his graduation and move to Brooklyn Heights. His wife described him as "bright-eyed, bushy-tailed kid from Pottsville" where she was the conscious city kid who made decisions with her head. They would each find other jbos outside of the World Trade Center. Despite their different approaches to life, the couple married on New Years Eve 1997.

I found a few quotes made by family that seemed to paint a picture of the person that Michael was:

"Mike loved people and all walks of life. None was too high, and none was too low." --Michael's mother.

"Michael didn't have to be reminded to call his mother, or to hold a door open for an elderly gentleman, or to volunteer his time." Tony Sleva, Michael's Brother in-law

In a story on Michael, Tony gave a suggestion for the best tribute to Michael's memory. "The most fitting tribute to Ferugio would be to imitate him by treating everyone with respect, love, and understanding." There were three requests that he made for the tribute: "When you finish reading, call your mother and tell her you love her. When you see someone in need, help them, before you retire for the night, ask yourself, 'What did I do for my fellow man today?"

Pages Torn Out Of Hillbilly Hell...

As usual, certain facebook postings have perplexed me. Here are my thoughts:

If you name you kid KaeDee or KaSeigh or anything similar you have doomed your child to not only to be a challenged speller but more likely to appear in trashy homemade porn.

Wearing a princess tiara to renew your wedding vows. Seriously? Give the tiara back to your 3 year old. Damn.

Having a grooms cake that features a dead deer laying in some grass riddled with bullet holes at said wedding renewal....I have no words to explain my thoughts on this one.

Eat Your Heart Out Microsoft

Dear Microsoft,



I hate Windows Vista and consequently I hate you. You make my life hell.



Yours Truly,



M. Thomas

What The F?

Is EVERYONE that I used to be even remotely associated with married?!?

Becoming A Professional

Since being laid off in April I have become a professional at reading into the slew of rejection letters that come by e-mail, snail mail, and (occasionally) by phone. I received this very nice one today:

Dear Ms. Thomas,

I would like to thank you for your interest in the **** position. The response to our invitation for application was gratifying to *****.

Your credentials have been reviewed very carefully. Although your education, background, and experience are commendable, there were other candidates whose qualifications are more relevant to the needs of ****.

Best wishes to you as you pursue your career goals.

Sincerely,

HR


Now allow me to translate:

Dear Ms. Thomas,

We were flabbergasted that someone with your credentials actually bothered to apply for this shitty job. Is the recession really that bad? We decided to hire someone less likely to bolt when things turn around.

Sorry for your crap luck and good luck feeding yourself.

--HR

The following is a personal favorite:

Thank you for your interest in employment opportunities with *****. Your application has been submitted for vacancy (insert random numbers here). Your application and resume will be reviewed and if there is further interest, you will be contacted by a Human Resources Representative.

Translation:

Suck it loser! We do not even have the time to send you anything but this automated response...damn it sucks to be you.

This one also has hints of joy strewn throughout:

April 6, 2009

Dear Candidate:

Congratulations! This letter is to inform you of the status of oursearch for the position of Horrible Government Job with this Horrible Government Division. You are included in the initial top 40 who are invited to the next stage of the exam process which is a written objective exam. The results of this exam will determine the top 10 to take to the final exam, which consists of an oral board.

This examination will consist of timed written objective test (ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPORT BASIC TEST) measuring your quick & accurate attention to clerical detail, clerical perception and spelling; proof reading, vocabulary, conducting routine administrative practices quickly and accurately, filing & form design. The top group of candidates will be invited for an oral examination, which will be scheduled at a later date. You are being invited to take the written objective. The written objective test will take place on FRIDAY, APRIL17, 2008 AT 1:00 P.M. The examination will take place at: some horrible government building. Limited parking is available on the north side of the building. The examination will take approximately 1 hour to complete. Please arrive 10 minutes early to fill out paperwork. WE REGRET THAT WE ARE UNABLE TO MAKE SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR SCHEDULING TIMES.

Sincerely,

HR

Translation:

We had so many people to apply for this piece of shit job that we are going to give you a bullshit test to get your hopes up. We probably won't pick you but please come waste your time performing like a monkey in a circus side show for lunch and rent money. We picked a random date and time that we hope will not work for you, thus making our job all the more easier.

Because we are lazy, we want YOU to jump through hoops for US. Recessions suck don't they--but at least I still have my job...

Sincerely,

A lazy goverment HR demon....

Rejection is truly awesome and I would like to thank Corporate America from the bottom of my heart for hating intelligent, education-loving people like myself and consequently hiring the frat buddy that could chug the most beer... Give yourselves a nice pat on the back for creating the conditions for this horrible recession.

Sincerely,

An honest, educated, hard working (and ultimately screwed middle class) American.

Night Terrors

I have had a lot of thoughts rumbling through my head in the past few weeks. I surely wasn't ready for the culture shock when I moved back to Texas from Denver--I didn't even think twice about it but it has certainly rooted itself in all facets of my psyche. I have been having these strange god-awful dreams over the past few nights with some recurring themes but first a few random thoughts I would like to get off my chest:

1. Facebook has begun to frighten me. Why you ask? Because I am exposed to the *insane* political views of people my age that I used to know. First off, drop the Texas succession idea anything to do with Texas Nationalism...it's a ridiculous idea and not well thought out. DROP IT PEOPLE. With Mexico (and its never ending wish to regain Texas as its rightful land) and all it's drug war bliss not to mention the terrorist activity along the border would crumple the idea before it began. Leave it alone before you make the rest of the state sound as uneducated and stupid as the dunce Rick Perry himself.

2. The occurences over the past month or so has made me hate my ex (even more, I know thats hard to do)...but I finally got the car title and won't ever have to deal with him again. *Hooray*

3. I have recently become addicted to Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum novels. Who knew?

And now to my creeper dreams...Here's a run down:

Dream 1

In Denver- LoDo-- in particular at a restaurant. The building was historic with aged red brick on all sides and modern art work on the walls, mostly in varied black and yellow tones. With The Canadian & his kids, a few other unknown people. The tornado sirens go off and I look outside. The sky is a tormented and threatening black and directly above the restaurant is a circle of clouds churning in on itself. A tornado is eminent and we decide that we can't make it to the condo in time, which is all the way across downtown on the cusp of uptown. We decide to hunker down in the basement of the restaurant. Strangely, the rest of the waitstaff go on about their business as if nothing is going on. They don't even notice. I know the tornado hits the building but I don't recall any more details than that.

Dream 2

Absolutely terrifying--I woke up sweating with excruciatingly tight muscles. It appeared that my whole body had been fighting for survival during my dream. In the dream, The Canadian and I went to the condo in Denver to get the remainder of my things but the condo looked strangely different--the same actual features but with additions. It turned out that Diane (the family friend who really owns the condo) was renting it out from a Canadian guy who The Canadian was acquainted with. He was skinny with light spiky hair--a bit of a creeper. Everyone in the condo goes to work the next morning but I decide only to go for coffee since I thought it would be inappropriate for me to go to my old workplace with The Canadian after being laid off. Later in the day, The Canadian and I have a huge fight and he storms out of the condo with his creeper friend. I felt horrible and as the hours pass by I became restless with simply watching tv and decided to try to text him. For some reason or another I had forgotten how to use my cell phone and could not figure out how to text him. I am absolutely on the verge of panic when his creeper friend walked in minus The Canadian. He says that he took The Canadian to the airport--that he was going to see his ex-wife. I freaked. Then he said he was kidding and told me that The Canadian had really flew to see his mom. The Canadian calls me- I am in tears, apologizing profusely, telling him that I had forgotten how to send text messages and begging him to come back. For some reason or another, I resume packing my things while the creeper watches tv. He comes to see what I am packing, which strangely was my underwear and he begins to oogle them (I know! Super Creepy!) He sees a shiny bright blue bra and underwear set and makes some comment that The Canadian always gets the girls who have the cutest underwear (?) and consequently tries to sleep with me. As I am struggling to fight him off, weather warnings come screeching onto the television and the tornado sirens wind up. I look outside and the sky is dark. Several tornadoes have started to form and are about to touch down near the condo. I panic wondering how this is possibly--moments before it had been sunny- and rush around the condo gathering some of my important things. I am trying to find my shoes and freaking out because I can't find my jump drive with all of my thesis work on it. I consider leaving with out it but remember that when I come back the condo will more than likely be demolished as the threat of tornadoes were imminent. I find it and dash out of the door to the stairs, with the creeper of course. I had never taken the stairs before and once we walk in there is a wide open space with motorized stairs (think diagonal subway--def. not an escalator) with other portions of mobility still under construction. It is ultra modern and there are guards at each entry directing the slew of condo residents. The crowd is so large and no one is moving. The group of people, including the creeper, decided to go through the doors to the right to find another way out. The room is suddenly empty and I run to the entrance of the diagonal subway. The guard is giving out maps to the residents but I can't remember the number to the condo so she refused to give them to me. The diagonal subway empties into ultra-modern cars with neon lights. Everyone is cramming into them and no one knows each other. I squeeze into a car that is lit up with neon purple and green. It is blasting ghetto rap. I am the last person to fit and I am carrying so many bags that it is hard to fit. In the distance, several tornadoes rage against the city...and then I wake up to the ringing of a phone in a complete panic.

Now I don't typically believe in the interpretation of normal dreams--I think it is just some bad freudian scheme that is perpetuated by people who don't truly understand the science of psychology but when an item--such as tornadoes and Denver--tend to reoccur it catches my attention. So I decided to do some sleuthing and this is what I came up with:


Tornado (from Dream Moods Dictionary)
To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive?

To dream that you are in a tornado, signifies that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications.

To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship.


Tornado (from The Curious Dreamer)

*An overwhelming or destructive situation in real life, most likely out of the dreamer's control

*A feeling or fear of being taken advantage of or victimized, especially suddenly or in an unpredictable way


Tornado (from MSN Dream Dictionary)

1. Vast life changes, for better or for worse, are looming in the near future. Whether the changes are for better or worse can be deduced from other symbols in the dream.

2. A surprise is coming - a surprise so unexpected and outrageous that the dreamer will be "blown away".

This is definitely not good shit....damn. The skeptic in me says coincidence but the believer says holy crap. I hope I don't have another tornado dream tonight. More updates (with pictures) later.

Recent Pics

More Thoughts

I have been going through more of my things...old pictures and journals just reflecting on all that has happened. Maybe I am going about all of this the wrong way. Last year was bad, truly horrible but a lot of good things came out of it. I know in my heart that I had quit loving the ex a long time before I moved to Amarillo. I thought it was normal for things to be icky. Oddly enough, I thank god the ex cheated on me while my uncle was dying in Austin. I would have never moved to Denver and would not have fallen in love with the canadian.

The truth is the canadian moves me. I had given up on the idea of the love my grandparents had--the soul consuming til death do us part kind of love. He makes me want to wake up everyday. He makes me feel like I can do anything. He has given me so much support in all areas of my life. He fulfills my every need and I would wait forever just to share a moment together. He values my opinions and listens to my advice--he actually seeks it out. We never fight at all. Our disagreements, though few and far between, are civil and respectful--he doesn't attack me--a far cry from my last relationship. My family loves him and my grandmother adores him--which is awesome because the ex and some of my family did not mesh well. Getting her approval was truly magnificent. I know he feels the same way for me too--we have been out to look at rings several times in the past few months and actually looked at some in Tulsa a few weeks ago. He had planned to propose while we were in Houston last week but apparently my ring size is freakishly small (like has to be factory made small). I love him so much. He treats me like a princess. I can't wait to meet his family and his kids. Its as if I already know them because he has told me so much about them. I feel like I have finally found the answers I have been searching for--I just have to be patient and wait for the next year to pass--I graduate in December with my masters, will finish my teacher certification program, and plan my wedding for next spring. By this time next year everything will be in its place. It is just so hard waiting when you know exactly what it is you want most in the world.

So maybe I am going about all of this in the wrong way. In reality...a lot of people are not as happy as they put on. For once in my life, I think I will focus on my life, my road and not how it measures up to everyone else. Fuck the Joneses...

Fate

Its late. I am sitting in the living room enjoying a pear cider, a recent favorite courtesy of my beer-loving friends in Denver. I have been going through re-organizing the parentals house. I can't help it--I have become a bit of an organization freak in the past year. I guess moving three times in a year will do that to you. As I was cleaning out the family computer desk, I stumbled upon old cards that I had made for both of my parents, report cards, and letters; one was from my grandmother to my parents 6 months before my grandfather died, another was from a neighbor who was checking up on my mom after my dad had been sent to California for a year for work. It was so strange to see figments of my childhood from an adult point of view. I think the thing that struck me the most was a balance book from the early 90s. I was amazed at the balance of the bank account and I realized exactly how much my parents struggled to keep it together in our early years. There was never much more in that account than there was in mine when I started my job at Baker last year. How they juggled a household and two small kids on that amount is beyond me. It made me wonder if I could have done as well as they did under the same pressures. It really puts things in perspective for me. Your twenties aren't supposed to be fabulous and glamorous. Fun? Yes. Orderly? No.

Perhaps I expect too much. Is it too much to want the cake, the car, the kids, the house, the career, and the marriage? I suppose that it all happens in its own time. I just feel like mine is dragging out...I am in my eighth year of complete choas and lack of structure. I haven't gotten even a piece of the life I had hoped to have. I have traveled, lived in lots of different places, and have gotten a wonderful education but all of those things don't keep you warm at night. I most certainly have the canadian but even he isn't mine quite yet. There is always something delaying us...some obstacle. We can't be together all of the time because of the chaos within the company--they don't know when or if they will move him stateside. We can't live together before we are married because of what happened the last time I lived with someone before I got married--which ended well (insert sarcasm here). And we can't just get married because, well, his family is in Canada and plane tickets to Canada are expensive. So I just have to wait...

I just keep wondering: how is it all supposed to work out?